I Am Art

tossing

We have about 2 weeks to finish working on this and since I like to wait until the last minute to do everything, I am now really busy. So of course this is also the time my husband ordered a big garbage bin be delivered to our house for the remains of a fence and whatever else I want to toss in there. Oh how tempting! I don't even have a lot of stuff I need to toss but the fact that I CAN toss it makes me want to just run through my house grabbing stuff to dump in the bin.
I know all the shows tell you to make piles to separate the donations from what you are really tossing but have you tried to donate anything lately? Pretty much the only thing donation centers will take are Lucky Jeans NEW WITH TAG,  dishes still in the box, and unopened video games. You also won't get a tax deductible receipt for these items anymore. Nobody wants anything they can't resell on ebay. Donating stuff is just too damn much work. Unless a friend wants it, it's easier to toss all your stuff in the bin you are paying for and hope the Recycle Fairy at the other end sorts through your stuff and sends your old stretched out clothes to Mexico. Who really has time to drive around with 6 bags of crap in their trunk trying to find a place that will take it? That can't be good for the environment and it ends up costing money in gas and multiple trips to Starbucks. So yeah, I am tossing it all, without guilt.
All this purging feels good.

on the account of the economy

Every time I talk to our leetle brother, Tod, I try to start at least one sentence with on the account of the economy because it makes him crack up when I sound all Bruce Springsteeny. Things are changing in my neighborhood on the account of the economy and it's a bit creepy.
I suspect I won't be able to write about my neighbors much longer because everyone is getting all chummy on the account of the new creepiness and I am pretty sure that someone will tell someone that the guy who looks all good Christiany (but is not) is married to a Jew (with g-a-y friends) who blogs and then my secret will be out. I am still shocked it wasn't out when Goth Wiccan ended up being my surgery nurse! But, nobody has said anything and if they did, well that would make an awesome post!
We live near a lake and up until about a year ago, all the neighbors would park their boats, Hummers, and big ass gas-guzzling SUVs all over the street as symbols of how much money they had (and how small other things were). People were not really talking to each other because they just did I HAVE MONEY drive by's. See my boat! See my car! See my tricked out RV! See, I AM AMAZING!!!!
On the account of the economy, the cars and boats and phallic symbols slowly started disappearing from the driveways and streets and were replaced with smaller, more economical cars. The mornings filled with the sound of engines revving were being replaced with the sound of barking dogs. When people lost their big cars, they got big dogs. Big barking dogs. And everyone now stands in their front yard with their big dogs barking and unleashed. Then, when another neighbor comes out with their dog, the first unleashed dog runs over to sniff the new dog and the neighbors start chasing their dogs and sniffing each other.
Our new next door neighbors got a Great Pyrennees puppy. It's a male and it will be huge. Its bark will be a mighty roar.
My wee kitten and I sit in the window watching the interactions as we predict which neighbor will now be getting a Great Dane, on the account of the economy.

porcelain

I always pretty much knew I didn't ever want to be pregnant. One day many years ago Karen solidified that feeling when she stumbled across some article about freaky disorders and pregnant women who (due to hormone changes) suddenly crave pavement and porcelain and knock their teeth out trying to eat it. Even though I have never craved either of those things, I figured that would be the thing that would happen to me. I'd see pavement and wonder if I could ever crave it. When I'd brush my teeth and spit into the sink I'd wonder if I'd ever want to chomp on the rim of the bowl. Neither thing ever, ever, ever sounded tasty. It totally freaked me out and I always associated pregnancy with wanting to eat sidewalk. And I made sure to never get pregnant.
The other morning summer left with a forceful wind. It made our kitten very nervous when I opened the sliding glass door to let some fresh air in. She ran up stairs right away. Moments later I heard an odd clicking noise coming from the small upstairs bathroom that's mostly just a sink and toilet.
Suki was trying to EAT THE SINK. She got nervous and craved porcelain. Her tiny teeth nervously bit all the way around the rim of the sink.
I got dizzy. I also got my camera.

It just figures that I got the cat with the disorder I have been trying to avoid.

*Remember Julia Fordham's song Porcelain? I love it, still.

in every corner

The other day we took a trip far away from here only it wasn't really far away. It was an unexpected adventure that reminded us of so many intentional adventures of the olden days. A comforting aroma of rice and cilantro permeated the air, colorful umbrellas and flags protected us from the sun's hot rays and the rays of evil spirits, people dressed in saffron and gray robes and spoke in foreign tongues while their fingers counted wooden beads. Photos of scared spaces were displayed in this sacred space~ in every corner a place to be and be quiet. But it was really loud.
Oh how I was missing that feeling of being in a distant land where you aren't troubled by anything you hear because you can't understand it. All the words sound like a song and every once in a while you hear a familiar word while you're snapping photos of shades of blue you've never seen before while eating yam ice cream.
I got that feeling I was longing for and it was only 30 miles away.
Photos from our unexpected adventure are here.

small bites

It seems odd that I am actually eating these again since the last time I popped a delicious, fresh, oh-so-sweet candy corn in my mouth it ended up costing me more than an amazing  trip to Europe and one of the worst years of my life. But hey, most of my teeth are capped, crowned, or implants now so what more damage can be done? Candy corn is in season right now and ripe for the picking  off store shelves. I could not resist.

I probably shouldn't even ask out loud what more damage can be done given our luck. I will take small bites.

While I am tempting fate by eating tooth breaking-life ruining-butt making bigger candy corn, I am listening to this new cd by Sara Kamin. It's lovely! I've had it on all day and I am really enjoying it. While one hand grabbed candy corn, the other one pressed the repeat button.

a dead pen hoarder

Every few hours I take a break from working on the thing we will be talking a lot about very soon to visit Procrastination City. It's one of my favorite places. I get a lot done while I am there. Ever since I started watching Hoarders, the a lot done involves looking at stuff and asking myself if I really need it, love it, want it. There's a little STOP BEING ANNOYED zone in Procrastination City where you just fix all the stuff that has annoyed you about your house since you bought it ten years ago. The STOP BEING ANNOYED zone is a double whammy if you have the memory of Hoarders still fresh in your mind.

All the overstuffed dead pen bins in my house annoy me. Do I really need all those dead pens? There's only one alive pen in that whole bunch yet I keep grabbing the dead one when I need a pen in a hurry and end up scraping my finger on the emery boards which shouldn't even be in there.

There are now only alive pens and scissors in this bin. I am not a dead pen hoarder.

good meals and great discussions

The table and chairs in my dining area have been the bane of my existence forever. When I was a kid, I never imagined that I'd grow up and live in my own house and have dinner (and a million memories) at the same table I ate Hanukkah dinner at as a child. I don't really like the table and chairs. It's an antique and it's clunky and it's creaky. But, if I put all the leaves in, it's huge and many people can sit here and eat, laugh, and eat more all at the same time. That's important. And, this table belonged to my Nana and Poppa Dave and it's like the table version of the Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants.
The thing I hated the most about the chairs was they were really, really, really fucking uncomfortable. And, for the 15 years I lived with them in our childhood home(s), they were covered in the ugliest shade of green vinyl I'd ever seen. It matched our ugly green shag carpet. I gag just thinking about it. Before the table and chairs made its way to me about 15 years ago, it lived with my brother and his wife, who very quickly stripped the old finish and recovered the green vinyl. When our sister-in-law took the chairs apart to recover them, we discovered the original fabric Nana had on the chairs before the green vinyl. That fabric was a pretty tapestry in gold and peach. In between the layers of wood, then tapestry, then vinyl, there was NO PADDING. Ouch. Our sister-in-law added her layer of delicate blue and white floral fabric and put the chairs back together. A few years later, the table and chairs came to me and the light blue floral fabric didn't work with my decor. And for reasons I still don't quite get, I recovered the chairs in a darker blue fabric and still did not add any padding. I still hated those chairs. So did my tush after ten minutes sitting in them.
Years went by and many, many, many good meals and great discussions were had at this table. Despite the happiness had at the table, there was not a day that went by that I didn't think about how much I hated those damn chairs. Even worse, for the last ten years, the blue fabric didn't match my decor AT ALL.
I've been on the hunt for cool, contemporary fabric to cover the chairs with and nothing was quite right. Nothing was also quite right in the budget. Fun fabric is pricey! The other day I was at IKEA looking for a rug they no long carry (just my luck) when I fell in love with some 24"x24" double sided cushion covers for $6.99 each. Each chair cushion is 20"x20". I could cover 2 chairs with one cushion cover (cut in half) for $6.99! I bought 2 covers and some foam padding all for less than $22.
Today was the big day. Staying true to tradition, I did not remove any of the layers of seat coverings by previous table owners. I just added mine to the stack with a nice thick layer of padding.
I love these chairs now.

A few things

One:
There's a feature interview with me on the Aaron Brothers page at facebook. It is viewable if you don't have facebook (yay!), but if you are a member of facebook, please do comment on it there. You will see my curse is continuing because the interview is with an S-less Linda Woods. Ah! A good sign indeed. Here it is.

Two:
The only available copies of Visual Chronicles available in the entire world are what you see in stores or what we have. The publisher is all out of books and will not be printing more. I have some for sale in my etsy shop (signed by me and Karen, the S is free) and some in the back room (I'm only listing 5 at a time). If you want Visual Chronicles and see it in stores or want a signed copy, buy it while you can. Here is my shop. Journal Revolution is still in print and I do have signed copies of that in my shop as well.

Three:
Mercury is in Retrograde this weekend until the end of the month! Drive carefully, back up your computers, be cautious, expect men to act like they have worse PMS than we do.

Full of Gluten

I've been noticing an odd trend lately. People have been clinging to their dietary restrictions like they are their secret super hero shields. So many food related updates I read on twitter and facebook are :
Just ate Gluten-free Pizza, Gluten-free fries, Gluten-free ice cream
Just ate animal-free chiquen sandwich
Just ate Vegetarian Gluten-Free Eggless Quiche
Just ate chocolate-free, dairy-free Chokolot Pudding

We totally get having dietary restrictions whether they are medically required or self-imposed. I just don't get why people need to keep clarifying that they can't or don't eat certain foods. Why don't they just say they had some delish pizza?  I don't clarify that everything I eat is banana-free.
Gluten-free seems to be the new thing. We know it is a serious problem for people with allergies and Celiac Disease and in LA, people just think they are cool if they say they don't eat it. Weirdos. We are familiar with Celiac Disease because our most beloved grandfather, Poppa Dave, had it. Growing up, he never referred to his meals as gluten-free. But, we always referred to the bread, crackers, and cookies we knew were his as Poppa Dave's Special whatever because it tasted like cardboard we'd not want to eat by mistake.
Nana, Poppa Dave's wife, went out of her way to find special breads for Poppa Dave (even when it meant driving an hour away from their small town just to get it) and baked special cakes and cookies for him. The special cake was a wonderful 12-egg spongecake that we'd all watch rise in the oven with great fascination. Nana was an amazing cook, known mostly for her cookies. Yet, the cookies she made Poppa Dave were just gross. They were mostly rice flour, sugar, and eggs. Nana was not one to futz with a recipe too much and maybe she was afraid to make something that would harm Poppa Dave, but I had no idea how he ate those. So, one day in Nana's kitchen while she was teaching me how to make a meat pie, I asked her if I could try making some cookies for Poppa Dave. Of course she humored me and said ok, Dolly. At the ripe old age of 12, I did some research, did some experimenting, did a lot of tasting, and I altered Nana's Special Cookie recipe. Poppa Dave now had peanut butter, banana, and cinnamon gluten-free cookies and Nana suddenly loved me a little more and little less at the same time. He loved his new cookies.
 The other day when I started seeing ads for the new Betty Crocker Gluten-Free brownie mix where the gluten-free eaters all say the brownies taste just like the real thing, I had to try them. I had to know how far special has come. Just add eggs and butter to the mix and bake. It's easy.
The brownies look great.  They are chewy and chocolaty with a slight fruitiness to them. The texture is a tiny bit sandy in a rice flour, corn starch way. They taste good if, if, IF you have not had a brownie full of gluten ever or in the last few years. They taste GREAT if you've never had a real brownie. If you are on a gluten-free diet and have PMS, just bake yourself a pan of these. If you need to make a treat for a gluten-free eater, these brownies are good. If you tell people you are gluten-free because you think it's cool to say that, just make normal brownies in the privacy of your own home when nobody will see the truth. I would've happily baked these for my Poppa Dave but I'd eat the banana-free brownies off the full- of-gluten plate next to them.

unidentifiable

I keep taking pregnancy tests because there are no at-home brain tumor tests. Some major shift in my chemical makeup must be going on because I willingly became a cat owner. My beloved leather chairs are wrapped in foil like an olden days Sarah Lee chocolate cake, a ball with bells in it sits at my feet, and a lint roller is on the counter next to my purse because I don't want to be one of those people who wears cat hair out in public. Had the non-stop mooing meowing combo that I endured the first 3 days not ended, I would've been a cat owner who gave her cat up for adoption without regret.
I am back to my normal routine of bon bon eating, tv watching, and once in a while thinking about art. I am pretty sure my friends are glad we got the cat so we'll stop talking about that damn garden already.  Oh! Ignacio surprised us with a new, unidentifiable plant last week. I must get a photo of it!
Cats look adorable in Zen gardens.