Sometime last year, I was getting annoyed with a friend who has had the
same problem for years. She kept saying she was miserable but stayed
in the same miserable situation or would get out if it to get in the
exact same one. So, finally I told her SHE was the problem and that she
should just change. Actually, it wasn't
finally. I'd been telling her
that for years. I decided she just wanted to be unhappy, that that was
how she was happiest. But still, since we are
us, Karen and I had to
keep talking to each other about how this person was so
stuck. And,
because we are us, I had to point out that change and risk are easy and
that even
I* could change lifelong behaviors. Of course, I picked ones
that had nothing to do with food. I am not unhappy, so I picked things
that would make me and Karen laugh and that would be time savers!
For one month, unless I was specifically asked, I did not correct
anyone's errors, tell them how to do anything better, or give any
advice. I didn't tell anyone I was doing this. It was really hard
because last month was the month many people I know had many errors in
their blogs, in letters they sent clients, in art projects, and in life
in general. In my mind, a good friend is someone who points out errors
so you don't embarrass yourself but I have been noticing that people
get totally PISSED OFF when you correct them instead of saying thank
you. I totally do not get that. If you tell me I spilled tea on some
art for sale, I'll send you a thank you card! If you catch a huge error
in a proposal before I send it out, dinner is on me. If you tell me my
husband might be a serial killer before he kills again, sweetheart, we're going to Hawaii on
my dime. Most people over the age of 5 do not like to be corrected and
will get very defensive when you remind them of the
me, a name I call
myself rule.
During the month I got a lot of emails and calls from friends that went mostly like this:
You have been awfully quiet. You must be busy or mad at me.
Uh, ok. The thing was, I had not been quiet! I had been as chatty and
complimentary as ever and when I am mad, I say so. I am not sure what
the lesson that month was yet. People were offended when I corrected
stuff then were offended when I didn't.
I'm still laughing about it.
There's an experiment in change going on this month, too.
*The "even I" thing is not really fair. Even though I am stuck in my ways, my ways are adaptable to change.
I am sure there are grammatical errors in this post. I did not bother to proof read it- nobody asked me to.