The other day I was having a discussion with someone about how far I was walking when I spent 45 minutes on the treadmill. I had no idea because I use a program on the treadmill that changes in speed and incline but I was fairly certain I could run and walk faster in reality than on the treadmill. Because I said that, I was tested almost immediately.
On a typical day, no matter what time it is, one of my neighbors is outside. Someone is going to work, coming from work, watering their lawn, washing their car or smoking in their driveway. On this day, I came home from running my errands and noticed nobody was outside. I pulled into our garage and popped my trunk. I left my purse (and phone and my tea!) in the car and was going to get the groceries out of the trunk when I noticed our garbage cans were emptied and I was going to bring them up from the curb. I was still by my trunk (in the garage) when I suddenly got a bad feeling. A hot breath on my hand feeling. I turned and made eye contact with the scariest pit bull I have ever not expected to see in my own garage.
The list of things I am afraid of is long but dogs is not on that list. Frogs, yes. Spiders, yes. Snakes, holy-hell-yes. Dogs, no. I've been around dogs all my life and have had big dogs. This dog was terrifying.
I was frozen with fear for about 2 seconds too long and my eye contact with Cujo was not helping matters. He was coming toward me aggressively and he seemed hungry for pudgy artist. I started yelling NO! and GET BACK! really loud thinking maybe that would stop the dog or at the very least one of my neighbors would come out. As if. The dog kept coming toward me, proudly showing me his fangs, and no neighbors came. My own car was blocking me from getting out of the garage and the only option I had was make a run for the door into my house and hope I can get in before he does, or be eaten by the dog. I was so scared and there was no way I was going to let this dog eat my face off. I just thought FEET DON'T FAIL ME NOW, if he's going to bite me, he better go for my butt because I'm running. So I ran for my life. And he was right behind me. I got in the door and of course, Suki was sitting right on the other side waiting for me (as she always does when she hears the garage door open) so I was screaming MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!!!! and she was moew-screaming and the dog was forcing his fangy head in and I slammed the door with all my might right on his nose. I don't know what I was thinking- well- I wasn't thinking because I was crying and sweating, but I deadbolt locked the door in case the dog wanted to get in. It's not like he had thumbs but shit man, maybe he could bite the doorknob or something.
Once I get in the house, I realize I do not have my phone and that it's in the garage with the dog. I also realize I can't see if the dog is still in the garage because there is no way to see into our garage from inside the house. My heart was racing, I was crying, I didn't know what to do. I took a deep breath and started looking out the window to see if the dog was out there. About 5 minutes later, 2 women I had never seen before came around the corner with the dog, walked by our house and put the dog in a yard a few houses up from us. I went outside (still totally shaken up) and asked the women if they knew the dog. They did! One woman said she lived behind the house where the dogs live and the dog eats through the fence and goes in her yard all the time, the owner is a fireman who works a lot, giggle, giggle, giggle. Uh, huh. I tell her the dog just angrily lunged at me in my garage and she says, "oh he probably would've just humped you. The other dog would've bitten you. But the owner is a fireman" giggle, giggle, giggle. Just humped me? The other one would've bitten me? THE OTHER ONE? As I go on to tell her I don't think it's safe for hostile dogs to be on the loose even if the owner is a fireman, the dog gets out of the yard again and comes right at me! Holy mother of Buddha! I ran behind the garbage cans, prepared to toss the cans in the dog's path, as I suggest the ladies take the dog to their yard since they know the dog. They begrudgingly did.
Once I calmed down from the shock of having to run for my life from a pit bull unexpectedly appearing in my garage, I got to thinking how that pitbull was a sign. If a pit bull suddenly appearing in your garage is not a sign, I don't know what would be! It was the physical manifestation of bullshit I need to slam a door on. No need to tell me twice.
*Slam a door on a pit bull trying to eat you and nothing will seem hard to do after that.
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