I haven't been feeling very talky lately. I have had to be very
thinky. The week my car broke my kitchen broke. We had a little flood and
and the going back and forth with the plumbers, and the insurance company, and the mold investigators is just so silly. And let's not
forget to toss the non-committal mechanic in the mix. Nobody can say
what time they will be anywhere (or when anything will be done) and then
they make you wait just to tell you they will be there tomorrow. In the
mean time, you've wasted your day after totally rearranging your plans
to accommodate their needs. Weeks later and nothing is fixed and I am
sitting here staring in to space waiting for the next person to come
look at my cupboards and tell me if I need to call Erin Brockovich.
One person I did not call was the Purse Fairy. But oddly enough, the
Purse Fairy shows up when she is needed the most! Just when you think
you have had it and want to dive head first into a tub of non-diet ice
cream, The Purse Fairy doorbell ditches you and leaves a box at your
door. She usually leaves a cute card, too. That Fairy is good! Those of
you with seesters will notice that your Purse Fairy will most often
resemble your seester. It's really weird how that is. It's also weird
how The Purse Fairy who looks like your seester will know exactly which
purse you have lusted after for months. I'm keeping this beauty far from
anything that might leak, looks like it would leak, or has thoughts of
leaking.
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Today I stopped to get gas today at a gas station near a gym and kind of
near a freeway exit. There's a 7-Eleven at the gas station and it's in a
really windy part of town. When I pulled in, there was a pretty
soccer-mom type filling a mini-van, a cute girl in work out clothes (that didn't conceal much) filling
her tank, and 2 rough looking guys in a big truck that screamed I HAVE A
SMALL DICK. The guys with small dicks and big egos were parked at the
7-Eleven just hanging out. When I got out to pump my gas, the wind was
blowing in such a way that I tried to stay turned with my back toward
7-Eleven so my hair wouldn't get stuck to my lipstick. I could hear the
guys flirting with the cute girl. How old are you? You look young? Are
you single? She was answering and flirting back and I was not sure if
she knew them and was play flirting but I didn't want to look directly
at them and get my hair stuck to my face, so I looked at the soccer mom
to see if she was looking. Soccer mom was looking at me and I think we
were both wondering why cute girl was responding to these guys who were
hanging out at a gas station. One of the guys left his big truck and
walked over to the cute girl and asked her name and her number and she
happily gave it to him. He said, while he stood next to her, I will call
it right now to be sure it's not fake, and he did. It rang in her hand.
She giggled and told him to follow her to Starbucks up the street. Off they went,
while the wind swirled around me. Soccer mom and I just stood there
looking at each other.
I hope I wasn't secretly being taped by John QuiƱones for an episode of What Would You Do? about women at gas stations who watch dumbfounded as giggly girls tell strangers in big trucks to follow them.
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When I was at my Boyfriend Joe's today getting food for the week, I had
planned on getting some more of those s'mores. I saw that they had some
new peanut butter "goodies" so I snapped a photo to remind myself to get
them next time. But then Joe was out of the s'mores so I grabbed a box
of the Goodies so we'd have a treat to eat while we watch all our sunday
night shows. I glanced at the calories and fat and thought they'd
mostly be a treat for my husband and I hoped the "goodies" name was an
exaggeration.
On Saturday, I opened my package of bagels and found a spider on one.
You'd think that would stop me from eating forever. Well, it did cause
me a major freak out but I still get hungry. I'm just looking very
closely at EVERYTHING now (even more closely than before). I figured I
should make sure there were no spiders on the new cookies and I don't
know what the hell happened but as soon as I saw there as no spider, I
took a bite. Suddenly everything that was wrong with the world didn't
really matter. Goodie wasn't descriptive enough. They are so good I
can't even take a pretty photo of them because I will eat them before I
can press the button on my camera. Good chocolate, good peanut butter,
good cookie, TRIPLE GOODNESS. They are the same amount of good as the
s'mores but on a peanut butter and chocolate scale. I ate two so I'll
pass on a snack later. Or eat two more and pass on lunch. I'm still
tossing the option around.
If you are visiting my Boyfriend and don't see these Goodies by the
cookies, look on their new product shelf were the s'mores were. Did you
see those new cake mixes in the pretty boxes? Maybe I will take one for
the team and try one of those next week.
*I'm still in shock about that spider on my bagel, really.
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Today I AM
*Craving Red Vines
*Missing my car
*Not being fooled
*Rearranging
*Full of gratitude for everyone who helped Mrs. Whetzel's students get books. Thank YOU!
*Still waiting for the plumber
*Smaller
*Needing a haircut
*Cutting stencils
*Listening to Lowlands on repeat
What are you today?
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Just as things were getting back to semi-normal, the Fairy of Faulty
Transmissions paid me a visit. I'd gone an entire day without having to
do battle with anyone or anything so I guess I was due. It's just odd
because my car is not that old and it's a Honda. Hondas are reliable.
But my warranty did just end so maybe it's not that unexpected. I think
it's a rule that the second a warranty ends the warrantied thing
breaks. The estimates to repair it were more than we have (and almost
as much as my tooth implant!) thanks to all the other Fairies who
visited this year. So, I googled and learned that this problem is common
with this model of Hondas and I should call Honda Headquarters and get
them to pay for part of the repairs. This is turning out to be a long
process that is as painful as dealing with health insurance companies.
In the mean time, someone else referred us to a mechanic who had more
realistic rates and who could do a more thorough diagnosis. Now my car
is in the car hospital waiting to be looked at and I am just sitting
here wondering what hell is going on. Was the Fairy of Faulty
Transmissions really meaning to break my car or was she sending me a
sign about something else? Recently, Karen asked the universe to send
her a sign, maybe the sign was sent to the wrong sister. That type of
thing happens all the time. Once she asked a friend of ours who was
dying of AIDS to visit her in a dream when he died so she'd know he was
in a peaceful place. He visited me instead. He was fine, Heaven was
great! I think Karen and I might need to somehow make our transmission signals clearer.
I'm not sure what will happen with my car or what the life lesson is,
but I did notice one thing today. Everywhere we went red and yellow
were together.
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I've lost 8 pounds so far and have 8 more to go. It hasn't been too hard
except for this week which is also the week I have a migraine, cramps,
and want to throw rocks and scream profanity at people who are driving
too slow. I have a few friends who are also counting points so I have
been lucky to have people to discuss very important food matters with~
like should we have peanut butter or cream cheese on our toast? Where
should we splurge? See, all very earth shattering discussions!
This morning I was at My Boyfriend Joe's looking lovingly at a tub of
peanut butter cups, remembering our love affair. I stood there a long
time. Someone bumped my cart (BITCH!) so I moved over a little bit and
saw something new. I guess in the last few weeks when I haven't been
shopping as much, my Boyfriend had time to invent new treats to tempt
me. There are new s'mores! His last ones were NOT at all GOOD! These
looked better and at only 3 points for 2 pieces, I thought I could try
one for everyone else's benefit.
Everyone can send me thank you cards now. These are so damn good. The
chocolate tastes like the chocolate from Joe's chocolate chips (no weird
BandAid taste), the graham cracker tastes buttery, and the marshmallows
are marshmallowy (not rubbery). If you pop these in the microwave for a
few seconds after you eat the dinner you just microwaved, your reason
to live will return.
Thanks, Joe. Or Josef, whatever your real name is.
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I'm just sitting here thinking. It's on my list of things to do. I need
to think about which thing to do first and there were a few moments to
take advantage of today. Apparently I was not the only one feeling the
pull of the quiet moment because I was rudely brought back to reality by
the sounds of Bessie the Cow-Cat and Apocalypse blissing out in our Zen
garden. It didn't really sound blissful, though. It sounded like
torture and I feel like I should bleach my garden and make an offering
to Buddha after what happened. Even the barking dogs were silenced for a
moment. Only a moment. Maybe they were not even silent. Maybe I just
blacked out from what I saw and heard. Either way, there are now some
Flowers for Buddhain my shop. How long until the kittens arrive?
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We really like to sleep and we are over achievers. That is an odd
combination. The reality is we are busy more than we sleep, but while we
do stuff we think of all the great sleep we could be having, have ever
had or are about to have. It's hard to sleep when you have a lot of
ideas, or things to do, or shows on your DVR that you have to watch so you
can make room for other shows to be recorded. I didn't say we always
over achieved when it came to work related things!
Really, we've had great sleep the same way we have great meals. We can
tell you countries, cities, hotels, houses, and which beds- or couches-
or park benches we had great sleep in or on. Vienna, Austria, on a rainy
day is where you will get some of the best sleep of your life. Fall
asleep listening to sheep baaaaa on a bed in Aberconwy House in
Betwys-y-Coed, Wales. The sleep was so good there we've been back
multiple times to rest our heads (and feet) there.
Have you noticed in home decor magazines they always show you how to
convert odd, unusable spaces or extra closets in your home into
offices? More office space isn't really appealing to either of us. Karen
has space off the master bed room in her house that we like to refer to
as The Turret. There are windows on most of the angled walls and the
view of the rolling hills is stunning (though, not captured in this
in-progress photo). On one of the un-windowed walls she mounted a tv and
on the other wall (where there's a small window) she did what any
normal sleep-loving person would do: she had a custom built
bed/chaise/nap thing made. Oh sweet mother of Buddha! It is so comfy!
Now we have to decorate the The Nap Turret. We are on the hunt for
cantaloupe colored pillows and accessories.
If you can't find us, we'll be disco napping and eating bon bons.
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Last week I reached into the dryer to get my laundry and I hurt my
back. I don't think cartoons are funny when characters bend over, get
stuck in "L" shape, then pop out of giant toasters all straightened
out. But, somehow when I am reaching for a sock and the worst pain ever
strikes and I am stuck-- just like a cartoon character-- I start
laughing. It's like the moment I realize I should've bent with my knees
is the same moment I see the inspiration for every 50 year-old cartoon
writer from the 60's. All the writers had bad reaching experiences, too.
I'm starting to think that heart disease and texting while driving are
not really the silent killers. Reaching, grabbing, and getting are the
new extremely dangerous activities for our generation. The other day
when I was telling people how I hurt my back, everyone had a reaching
story. And it kept getting worse. One friend only had to reach with her
eyes. She looked sideways at a bottle of mustard she wanted and threw
her back out. I believe mustard injuries might make you stuck in more
pretzely shapes than L shapes.
I wonder where we should go to get those special toasters.
*****************************************************
I balanced out my laundry day injury with a fresh new piece of clothesline art! Laundry Day is available in my shop.
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