In the week that Pam was here~
1. Our air-conditioning broke and a frumpy reject from the Depressed Russian Clown circus came to repair it and he was hell bent on blaming the problem with our a/c on the way our house was built and how much stuff was in my closet. He slammed his heavy bag of tools down on my antique tea cart then got mad at the tea cart! After he put a little coolant in the unit and recharged it (which solved the problem immediately -without me needing to toss a box from the closet), he measured the house, stomped through it, and told us the best way to use the air conditioner was to turn it off and open the windows because the house was beeelt all wrong. All zeee houses are beeeelt wrong! Okaaaay. The guy was sent from our home warranty company. I would not recommend them. Apparently, not many people would.
2. We drove over to Karen's and somehow while we were relaxing by the pool, the wires connecting the battery in my car got loose and my car was dead. At night. Far away from home. The jumper cables Karen had were all sparking flames of death so of course my husband who was suddenly in a broken down car bad mood (he's a man) hands ME the cables of death to hold while he tried to fix the problem (which just made everyone laugh more and him madder). Why would anyone trust me to hold anything that sparks? Oh, Pam posed for a photo and the hood of the car suddenly fell on her head. Luckily, Pam survived. We didn't have the right tools and ended up having to borrow Karen's car to get home and my husband had to go back in the morning before Karen had to catch a flight out of town. The relaxing day turned into quite an adventure.
3. Those fucking dogs next door. She heard them. She saw them. She told them to settle down. Oh, yes she did! She also heard their owners throw a party with the absolute worst music ever. You can hear one of the dogs, too.
4. Pam makes really good tomato sauce. Pretty much all of the west coast knows this now. Pam is single. I'm not breaking any secrets here but that's an important part of this story. If you've been reading along for the last 8 months you know that one of my biggest challenges has been making meals that include protein, carbs, and veggies for my husband who is picky. He's not like me. He can't pop open a box of crackers and call it a meal. What a freak! I kid, I love him. But still, dinner every night is a lot of work when you are used to just cooking one thing for yourself.
Near the end of the weak after the Depressed Russian Clown incident, the broken down car, the barking dogs, not much sleep, and shlepping all over the place*, we decide it would be a good day to stay in and make art and Pam's Famous Sauce! This, while my husband screamed I FUCKING KILLED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FUCKING SHOT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! while he played Call of Duty all day. I had thought about making chicken with the pasta and sauce and garlic bread but it was getting late and the dogs were barking and the music was so bad. And the sauce was going to be so good! I was high on the aroma of onions and garlic. Pasta with homemade sauce, garlic bread, then cookies, who needs MEAT?! Dinner was made and my husband came down to get some and took it back upstairs to his game. Pam and I sat down to eat after a long day and then it came from upstairs Linda, where is the meat? I believe at that very moment--judging by the look on her face-- Pam totally got my life. I think she also decided cooking for one was way, way easier.
And mixed in with all the crazy we found time to go on a date with my boyfriend Joe. I think she totally understands that relationship now, too. There's protein in peanut butter cups.
*We had a great time and were laughing all week.
[Photo from Sara's phone while we waited for my car to be fixed]
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