So, I went through life being laughy while being OCD responsible so I wouldn't be the cause of anyone else's stupid day and I looked on the bright side when everyone I know and love got cancery, and friends died, and we lost jobs, and our medical insurance turned to crap, and when people screwed me over, and when spiders attacked me, and when people stole my art and thought I wouldn't notice, and when everything in my house broke at once, and when friends got all mad at me about stupid stuff that wasn't even true, and when Trader Joe's stopped selling that BBQ chicken I was addicted to. I found the funny in all of that. Actually, I am laughing at those memories now!
But then December rolled around and my husband got injured and life came to a screeching halt. A halt that is expected to last about a year. In a moment with one of my friends who thinks every negative thing in the world is about her*, I accidentally let out an oh my Buddha! I can't believe this! about my current situation. Not even a real negative thought. She got all huffy and told me to think positively. I was all yeah, that will help.
Then, in that moment my latest experiment in how people react was born. I decided to actively think negatively to see if it made my life any better. For the next few weeks, I had some major negativity going on. Way more than usual! I even said some out loud to see how people responded. In general, me being negative made all the negative people around me MORE POSITIVE and I got MORE FREE STUFF.
Here's what happened at walmart when I went to buy some canvas:
First I had to ring the bell 11 times to get some help. I rang it extra hard to let them know I was a total bitch. Normally, I'd stand there all patient, taking photos of stuff.
The girl finally came to the fabric counter.
Negative Me: Hi, can you please cut one yard of this for me?
Woe Is Me Walmart Girl: Um wool, it's really stiff.
Negative Me: Yes. Just roll it out and cut. (positive me would've offered to do it for her)
Woe Is Me Walmart Girl: Wool, you can't even really sew through this unless you have a sharp needle. It's soooo stiff. I hate unrolling this stuff.
Negative Me: Why don't you just quit your job if you hate it so much?
Woe Is Me Walmart Girl: How much is a yard?
Negative Me: 3 feet. Didn't they teach you that?
Woe Is Me Walmart Girl: Oh, I thought it was 4 feet. I cut too much but I will only charge you for one yard. Here you go, have a great day!
The free extra foot of canvas made me feel really bad that I was thinking DIE!!!!!!!!! DIE!!! DIE!!!! YOU IDIOT!!!! while she was attempting to cut the canvas for me. Whew, luckily thinking doesn't really do anything. I've been back to walmart a few times and canvas girl is still alive and well and still doesn't know how many feet are in a yard. And, she always says hi when she sees me like we are friends. How sad that she thinks because I was rude to her that we are pals. Is rude the new friendship?
Then I decided to do a test with the credit card company. First I was positive:
Positive Me: Hi, I have paid my bill on time for 11 years. My husband was injured and he's on disability for 8 months, is there any way we can get our interest rate lowered?
Blood Sucking Bitch: Is your husband there?
Positive Me: Yes, but I pay all the bills.
Blood Sucking Bitch: No, we can't help you. Would you like to make a payment to avoid late charges today?
I hung up and called back 2 minutes later to get another operator so I could try the negative version. During the two minutes I thought THIS WILL NEVER WORK over and over.
Negative Me: Hi, I have paid my bill on time for 11 years. My husband was injured, he's on disability for 8 months and now my life is absolute shit. It's so horrible. Can you lower my interest rate? I know you probably won't since you have a job to do and you don't care.
Blood Sucking Bitch: I can lower it and how about if I take $100 off your balance, will that help you dear?
Oh. Ok. I will take that.
So yeah, thinking positively ain't all it's cracked up to be. Being a negative nelly sure does take a lot of energy when you are normally a laughy person. I have learned that the more negative I am the more positive everyone else is. Or, when I say negative things, it just makes other people stop talking. That part cracks me up the most. I finally found out how to silence people! I am finding the funny in this and the extra savings! There IS power in negativity. I think the key is to use your power wisely. Everything in moderation, just like with cookies and Ambien.
*No, not you.
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