Check all that apply, and pretend you've received the perfect apology. Or better yet, direct the offender to this list and hope he or she gets a clue.
I am so sorry.
I totally fucked up and am the biggest idiot ever.
I get that I did the thing you hate and now there's nothing attractive about me.
-I know it isn't your fault that I lied, broke the rules, cost us money, and nearly wound up expelled and/or in jail.
-I totally wasted hours and hours of your time being mad at you for this imagined outrage.
-Sorry I am about to continue being mad at you for my own immature, self-centered behavior.
-Sorry I thought it was OK to vomit all over you because I am sick.
-Sorry I am mad I apologized.
-Sorry I facebooked, twittered, IM'd, and texted you when you didn't answer on the second ring.
-Sorry I got all needy and emailed your siblings when you got busy for a minute and couldn't respond to me.
-Sorry I keep posting bad pictures of you online not really by mistake.
-Sorry I begged you to spend hours working on my design project then couldn't be bothered to acknowledge receiving it or to thank you enough
-Sorry I pretended not to know your logo was trademarked.
-Sorry I sold art that actually had your art in it.
-Sorry I just wiped the knife with a napkin and didn't really wash it.
-Sorry I ignored how my pets snagged your pants and drooled on your blouse while we were talking.
-Sorry I assured you I would do it, then at the last minute agreed that actually, I can't.
-Sorry that I left and did not come back and there are photos of where I was all over facebook.
-Sorry I never paid child support, but talked incessantly about my new wife and great step children, and wanted to "be a family" again as soon as you reached age 18.
-Sorry I ask for your advice about how to make up for doing to other people the very same awful thing I did to you, and still haven't made up for.
-Sorry I never told you that was the wrong shade of foundation.
-Sorry I made you wait for me.
-Sorry I made you wonder if I was in a horrible accident or dead.
-Sorry I thought your time was less valuable than my own.
-Sorry I keep thinking you work for free.
-Sorry I interrupted because I have a penis issue.
-We can listen to your CDs every time we are in the car.
-You can decide what we have for dinner for the rest of time.
-I'll do all the laundry and clean the bathrooms.
-You can be in charge of the TV remote at all times.
-You never have to do anything with my friends or relatives ever again.
-At the holidays I will do my own gift shopping.
-I'll never assume you're awake and want to have sex when you're just getting up to pee in the middle of the night.
-I'll walk the dogs on all the rainy nights
-I'll stay with the kids while you go have fun doing whatever you want.
-I will unfriend whoever you want me to. You can even write my status updates.
-I will check my sent emails for the last 3 years to be sure I am not asking for the same reassurance for the 100th time.
-I will not do a ton of unwanted favors for you, then be mad you don't appreciate them.
-I won't act like a dick.
-If your car breaks down and you need a ride, I will come get you even if I am 6 hours away.
-I will be where I say I will be when I say I will be there.
-I will call or text if I am running late.
-I won't get all defensive when you tell me my outfit is lame.
-I will not stop saying how sorry I am unless it is annoying you and then I will stop immediately.
*We're sure people will be sending this list to us even though we wrote it. If we have not apologized properly, we are sorry.
Visit Linda Woods Artworks for prints on canvas, paper, or wood for all size spaces and budgets.