Last week I spent a few days doing photography for this campaign at the gayest
hotel ever, the Parker Resort in Palm Springs. While there were many
gay guests at the hotel, I mean gayest as in it was clearly designed by
a gay man (Jonathan Adler. He is gay, right?). It was fabulous! The
entire two days I was there, I kept expecting the Fab 5 to be there.
At the entrance to the hotel there are two giant orange doors decorated
with hot pink boa wreaths and two pretty men to park your car and get
your luggage to your room for you. SO GAY. SO WONDERFUL. The lobby is
decorated in a combination of cool pottery, art books and thrift store
finds. I LOVED it even though it was slightly too 1970's but not in a
bad way, just a night club way. In between the rooms and the lobby is a
photographers dream garden complete with a cute croquet garden, giant
chess set, giant hammocks under shady palm trees, colorful bikes
everywhere, and private garden settings with furniture with cute
cushions near fountains that make you want to pee. If you're a man, the
fountains will also make you think of your penis because the fountains
were another clue that this place had a man's hands all over it. The
fountain spouts were all single pipes that shot straight from a
circular base. Hmmmm. Very phallic. The gardens were perfectly
manicured and no detail was over looked. Each chaise lounge by the pool
had a towel on it perfectly lined up with the one next to it and there
were bottles of tanning lotion on tables between each chaise. If you
moved the corner of one towel, a hotel worker with OCD immediately came
out and straightened it for you then offered to spray you with more
All this attention to detail continued to the guest suites. Each room featured cool black and white photos of quirky celebrities in the bathrooms. In my room, Michael and Janet Jackson graced my wall (when Michael was still black) above the toilet. That was funny. The bathroom was stocked with the finest toiletries that smelled wonderful! No cheapo mini-bottles of generic soap here. My favorite thing was the Molton Brown Enlivening Toko-Yuzu shower gel. Gay men so know how to pick the best-smelling goods. But, they really have no idea about lighting. The bathroom LOOKED cool but it was really bad for make-up application and the area where the shower was was so dark that I didn't even notice that the shower towels were nowhere near the shower. The towels were displayed pyramid style on a chair outside the bathroom. WTF? Was I supposed to get out of the shower soaking wet and slip and slide across the room to get a towel? What a dumb idea. I do not like being naked for 2 seconds longer than necessary. I want my towel hanging right near the shower, please.
My room was nice but so obviously decorated by a graceful MAN. The bed was made of steel with thick legs. SO PHALLIC. I am not a graceful man, so pretty quickly got my foot stuck on the bed of doom and quickly I hated it. Why would a metal bed ever be a good idea? Nothing screams I AM LITTLE more than a giant metal bed with thick legs. Men, do yourselves a favor and don't buy this bed to impress the ladies. It might work on men, though. Also on the bed were those feather pillows that look really fluffy but as soon as your head hits it they go totally flat so you have to stack 4 on top of each other to make one semi-comfy pillow. It's hard to do that when you need all the pillows to prop up your foot with the broken toes thanks to the bed frame.
Despite the little incident with my toes and the bed, I loved this hotel. If you are a klutz like me and are staying at the Parker, wear shoes in your room. If you are enrolled in a low-residency MFA program, I can't imagine a better place to stay for 2 weeks. The gardens are gorgeous and so serene~ a great place to be writing and creating.
Visit Linda Woods Artworks for prints on canvas, paper, or wood for all size spaces and budgets.