Yesterday I was doing some stuff around the house and thinking about how my husband is going back to work Monday and how lucky we are that nothing really expensive happened while he was off work this time. As far as bad things happening during a period of unemployment, this one was pretty good. I figured I should celebrate that realization with some candy corn. It was a good batch of candy corn, nice and fresh. Very soft! I popped a few in my mouth and then felt a POP!!! One of my teeth broke! It wasn't even a back tooth. It was a tooth near the front that broke down really low, of course. I thought too soon.
I went to the dentist first thing this morning thinking she'd just shoot me up with some novocaine and fix it but I was not so lucky. I thought too soon again. She told me that tooth must come out and an implant should go in. She sent me off to the surgeon for a consultation. I was determined to keep an open mind about the surgeon even though I had not met him before, but his office is in a building with the worst parking lot ever so I already kind of hated him. Trader Joe's also has a horrible parking lot but they sell really good stuff that makes people happy so I let that slide with them. The implant guy's office was very nice and high tech, his staff seemed pretty nice and there was a computer with XM radio at the foot of the chair I was sitting in. I filled out the paperwork:
List the medications you are currently taking:
1. Armour Thyroid
2. Ambien
3. Topamax (for migraines)
4. Feosol (Iron)
5. Vitamin D
Implant guy comes in and says, oh you are one of Dr. Anna's patients. She is right, that tooth has to come out. Dr. Anna probably told you.... and then I started to not like him. Dr. Anna? What am I, six years old? I bet this guy doesn't like to be called Dr. Firstname. He went on. Dr. Anna says you want to be sedated for the extraction and implant. No problem. I see you are taking Xanax. I can give you something stronger.
Uh, WHAT? He sees I am taking Xanax? Well that is news to me. IT'S NOT ON MY LIST!!
I explained to him that there was no way in hell I wanted to be awake for the procedure where they drill a screw into my jaw. He assured me I'd be out as he rushed out of the room and sent me out to talk to the girl in the office who tells you that the screw in the jaw capped off with a faux tooth will cost as much as a fabulous trip to London with an overnight trip to Florence to see the Duomo. As the salesgirl was finishing telling me the cost and I was trying to figure out what to do and how to say I want a second opinion, she hands me a packet of pills with the instructions to take one at night before the procedure, one the morning of the procedure, then one right before the procedure. I looked at the packet marked HALCION. That's the sedative, she explained, it's better than a needle in your arm. Some people even fall asleep and we have to wake them up to open their mouths. If it wears off you can take more once the doctor starts.
Uh, no, no no. I don't think so. Mrs. Linda wants a doctor who can read and sedates people with IV drugs.
Tomorrow I am getting a second opinion from a surgeon with a better parking lot. Then I think I'll think about packing my bags and heading to Canada where it will no doubt cost half the price including round trip airfare and include a week with friends who make good soup, roar with laughter and who will touch up my roots and give me the perfect A-line bob while I recover.