I Am Art

make a mask

Today We're FEELIN' GROOVY about:
~Finally experiencing a Pizookie (which would've been better less doughy but we ate it anyway)
~A new Neil Diamond CD which hopefully won't end up on the list below
~The new Eminem iPod commercial with the cool graphics that is similar to but better than the Lugz commercial.
~Getting caught up on the newest episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm

Our Bêtes Noires:
~Just as I kick my General Hospital habit Dr. Noah Drake returns!
~Nightmares that make you feel creepy when you wake up
~Kids trick-or-treating while not in a costume. What is up with THAT? I'm not giving any treats* to kids or adults who aren't clever enough to think of a costume on Halloween. If you've got a brown grocery bag and a pencil, you can make a mask at the very least.

Today's Bit of TV Wisdom:
That hottie Sheriff Bullock in Deadwood is so wise:

People angry at their difficulties often act like fucking idiots.

*and we all know I'll just be giving treats to the little kids who come around while it is still semi-light out~ before I pretend to not be home when the in-laws come a knockin' (my holiday ritual).

AND little bits of chocolate and buddha

I've been busy playing with the paint and glue again. There's new art for sale with low opening bids. Original art is a great gift~ don't forget to treat yourself once in a while!

Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me

When we're together, really weird things happen. Yeah, weird things happen when we're apart, but they usually involve other people when we're together and seem way weirder. And funnier. We've been trying to figure why we attract such weirdness to our lives. We realized that Karen attracts criers and I attract people who have no concept of physical boundaries. This combined magnetism is wreaking havoc ~ mostly for me. Together, we attract people oozing bodily fluids (tears, saliva, phlegm) who can't help but grab me, hug me, rub my arm or sit on me as Karen stands by watching in terror (and giggles).  It doesn't matter where we are....the bathroom at the Montclair mall, the Mann theatre on Ventura Boulevard, all airports we've ever been in and airplanes we've been on,  conventions, workshops, Sephora. This oddity knows no limits. We certainly know all these soggy hugs and rubs are not intended to be scary or violating~ it is just weird.
We've learned to prepare* for the eventual molestation that happens on our outings. We can even see it coming (Incoming at 2 o'clock! Incoming!). But, we're about to embark on a book tour** and we're limited on time. Often these teary eyed hug fests take too long. We needed a solution and consulted the master of all problem solving.

Well duh. We just said we are prepared. Let's try again.

From now on? Stupid fortune cookie. I am kind~ I never tell those touchy feely criers to fuck off. But ok, for the sake of learning and growing, let's play along. And we do know from our recent sign from the universe that if a problem lasts for more than a decade, you may be the problem.  From now on we'll seek out (instead of avoiding) the sad people and just hug them really good as we make our way from the gate to the plane and hope they don't sit next to us. We'll get to them before they get to us!  We'll pass out tissues, hugs, and art journals. Honey, paint that need for a hug from a stranger!

* We never go anywhere without Purell, Handiwipes, and a cafe table to keep strangers at a comfortable distance.
** Buy our book and you can cry (but most likely, you'll laugh) and hug us to death. Really. I'll even hug you back.

[An excellent imaginary prize goes to the first person who knows where touch-a, toucha-a, touch me comes from.]

bring home my name

A few days ago the following line was printed in the newspaper:
...Linda Wood and Karen Dinino, have co-authored a book, "Visual Chronicles," due out any minute.

We are so  grateful that people in the media are talking about us and our totally amazing book. But, for the love of God, man, can people please start printing my name as it really is? It is WOODS. WOODS. WOODS. With an S. Linda with an I and Woods with an S.  We do expect one of our names to be misspelled in every article about us (and that is part of the fun of this whole thing), but still.

secret surprise

Today We're FEELIN' GROOVY about:
~Sending a secret surprise, and awaiting the response
~Still eating cake from Emily's party! (not to mention the left over frosting)
~A fun Sunday with the  girls eating brunch and making jewelry
~Going to the pharmacy, and our prescription is ready!
~New old CDs and songs to listen to
~Neither of our cars broke down today (yet)

Our Bêtes Noires:
~The third week in a row of boring Gilmore Girls and The Amazing Race. Though, I am glad the family with the little kids didn't come in last. TAR  is not as entertaining when there are no fighting couples who call each other baby. And Gilmore Girls is not as entertaining because there is no story there and Rory's bangs are silly.
~Lousy customer service at Power Honda which will be made worse by a computer that calls 3 times a day to see if we were pleased with our service. I'm still trying to figure out how they got our real number.
~Since the great computer crash of 2005, I have no program that will convert images to CMYK or CYMK, whichever it is.

have no obligations

There are many ways that we are different. For example, I always wear v-neck shirts and Karen always wears round neck shirts. Karen loves lattes from Starbucks and I don't even know how to order one. I use John Frieda Brilliant Brunette hair products and she uses John Frieda Sheer Blonde products.
And in many ways we are similar. We both react to almost everything with laughter, even sad stuff. In fact, sometimes situations come up and we can't even look at each other because we will crack up. This isn't a good thing when Karen is doing a closing argument or when we are at a funeral. We are both capable of having conflicting emotions at the same time.  When we're done crying and laughing, we always hurry and ask what the life lesson is.  In the last few days, we've had many life lessons:

1. When your sister tells you your tire looks weird, believe her.
2.  Expect Mercury in Retrograde to cause havoc at least 2 weeks before it starts.
3. Tivo Starting Over before you run to Trader Joe's because you probably won't be back in time even though you've got plenty of time.
4. If it doesn't say Reese's peanut butter cup, it is probably gross.
5. Being in denial works.
6. If you want something, you have to ask for it.
7. Even when you ask for things, don't expect to get them.
8. Men are idiots.
9. Sometimes the people you least expect to be supportive end up being the most supportive.
10. Make lots of friends who are jobless, have no obligations, and a full tank of gas so when your car breaks down, there's always someone to get you. [remember when we were all in college and picking up friends when their cars broke down was an every day occurrence?]

are you wearing Angel?

I stopped wearing Angel perfume a few months ago because I thought it was bringing me bad luck in the form of strangers stopping me just to ask if I was wearing Angel*.  People, if you smell Angel and I am the only one there, chances are I am wearing it. It is kind of like if you smell smoke, there's probably a fire somewhere ~or you're about to have a stroke and die. Either way, people asking me about [an] Angel, made me nervous.
This morning I was rushing around to get to Trader Joe's before the mad rush of soccer moms in cars too big for the parking spaces in the worst parking lot ever, crowded the store.  I went to squirt on some perfume (chocolaty but not Angel) and the bottle was empty. Me leaving a house without perfume is like Karen leaving a house without lipstick. I reached for old somewhat faithful and squirted on the Angel. 
I made my way to Trader Joe's, did my shopping as fast as possible and got right back in my car which smelled nicely of chocolaty fruity goodness (aaaah, Angel). I turn the car on and I couldn't get the gear shift out of park. I turned off the car and tried again. I kept trying. I tried and tried and tried. The gear was not moving. WHERE'S AN ANGEL NOW?! I guess I have to call AAA. I stuck my hand in my purse and NO CELL PHONE! I forgot my cell phone. I go back into Trader Joe's and ask the nice manager to use his phone. He offers to try to get my car to work and has no luck (all men must try to fix a car before calling AAA, right?) . I call AAA (it is 11:15 now) and they say it will be about an hour until the tow truck can come and to stay by my car in case it comes early. Great, ok. I wait and wait and the parking lot is getting full and strangers are asking me why I am standing by my car. Why are you standing there? Do you smell chocolate?  Why is it any of their business anyway? What is odd about someone in a parking lot standing near their car? Maybe they thought I was going to try to get them to sign up with Primerica or something.  Two nice sisters are parked next to me, Do you need a Jump Start? Are You Wearing Angel? For my own entertainment, I tell them I am not. Then a man pipes  in and tells me my car is too new for this problem, yeah thanks, but apparently it isn't. Duh. Finally the tow truck comes a little after noon and it blocks the parking lot. Half of the patrons were nice about it and about 3 snooty bitch soccer moms in huge cars had hissy fits. Hurry Up! Can't you just back up and let me out? Spencer, stop throwing those organic animal crackers at Tyler. Are you wearing Angel?  My new best buddy, Samid, The tow truck guy, says this problem never happens on Hondas but he knows the trick. Oh you know, in my country that pair-fume ees called Angel. He gets it out of park and says now my brake lights don't work and I can't put it back in park so don't turn the car off. He says this while the bitchy Stepford moms are glaring at me and sniffing. As if it is my fault they can't back their giant SUVs up. I drive to the dealer (while hoping nobody smashes into me) and leave the car there. I have no ride home and can't call anyone because I have no phone and don't know anyone's # because they are all programmed into my phone. Finally, the Honda shuttle comes to get me and take me home. Get in she says....Honey, are you wearing Angel?

*this is not the same luck that makes strangers touch me at malls, book stores, theaters, and public restrooms.

buddha-red door-blue chair

Hurry and get your bids in before these auctions close!

don't hang up

You should know by now that where ever we meet, Karen will be late arriving.  It is not a sore spot between us, there are no fights about it, it just IS.  I sort of look forward to hearing the stories about what makes her late and now with cell phone technology, she can call and tell me her stories as I sit and wait for her.
We planned to get up at 4:30 (you know, 2 hours after we went to bed) and agreed to meet at 7:00 and get in one car to make the rest of a 2-hour journey together for a noon appointment in Palm Springs. We allowed plenty of time for stopping to pee, eat, and shop. At 6:45, Karen calls to say it is really foggy and um, well, she accidentally went back to sleep after her alarm went off and she'll be 20 minutes late. Twenty minutes in So Cal rush hour traffic is bad, just in case you weren't sure. So, since we're already on the phone, we keep talking as I drive to the meeting spot. We're discussing life and happiness and how sometimes when a problem doesn't go away,  the problem might be YOU. I said that in my best Iyanla Vanzant voice and then suddenly I hear lots of noise from Karen's side of the call. I hear a weird noise, like cards in the spokes of a tire! Oh people are honking at me! People are motioning for me to pull over! I see smoke!  I knew then that Karen was going to be way late.  Still, we don't hang up. She pulled to the shoulder of the freeway and exclaimed My tire blew out at Liberty Canyon!  Sheesh. If that isn't a sign from the Universe, I don't know what is. I turn my car around and go to pick her up as she calls AAA.
An hour and a half later, we are on the road again, sure we'll make it to the appointment on time. In fact, we're so confident on time that we stop at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf  in the middle of nowhere* to sample their peanut butter cookie and Dulce de Leche Latte.  We eat, we drink, we pee. We move on.
We arrive early to our appointment (keep in mind that had it been us meeting there instead of arriving together, one of us would've been late). We go to lunch, we visit with family, and just as the sun starts to set, we get back in the car that we're now sick of being in and make our way home (um, via the outlet mall in Cabazon).
While stuck in traffic, we made a list of things we liked hearing, wondered about, and fantasized about doing.
1. Is the car in front of us throwing glass at us?
2. It is for all intents and purposes not for all intensive purposes.
3. Being called a towhead is better than being called a butt head
4. We'll open a bag so you can taste it! It is our policy!
5. If we ever own a bakery or cafe, we'll leave out cards for the customers that ask Was the cookie too dry? Was there enough cinnamon in the muffin? Was the banana bread banana-y enough? Really, we want to know. Tell us the truth.
6. If we teach a journaling workshop at Art Unraveled next year, will people sign up for it and buy our book or will it just be one or the other?

* Nice guys from ZZTop held the door open for us and the barristo (or is it baristo or barista?) warmed up the cold peanut butter cookie. Now that is service you just don't get at Starbucks!

no christmas tree

Today We're FEELIN' GROOVY about:
~A sisters road trip tomorrow where we might stop at Starbucks and I might get something good since I won't be the one ordering
~Kugel for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even a little bit for the next breakfast
~Bright moonlight shining in my window
~NOT getting a car wash before torrential downpours  (mind you, I never wash my car, anyway, so this was just lucky).

Our Bêtes Noires:
~NO Pink Frosted Party Cookies for Emily to share with class and team mates on her birthday!  Ralph's has only "special" Halloween, chocolate frosted party cookies that taste DIFFERENT and worse.
~People asking me for my artwork for their publications then not ever responding when I send it to them.  Come on, it takes two seconds to email thanks, I got it.  Sheesh.
~Still not having plans  for a trip over Christmas and I refuse to do the dance that involves going to the houses of relatives we don't normally see or talk to and having the same conversation over and over just because we are in town and they invite us over. That conversation usually involves  in-laws and the reason we don't have a Christmas tree.  And the reason we don't have a Christmas tree has nothing to do with one of us being a Jewish Princess. It has to do with the time we did have a tree and it got stuck in the front door. I am not saying anymore on that issue.