I stopped wearing Angel perfume a few months ago because I thought it was bringing me bad luck in the form of strangers stopping me just to ask if I was wearing Angel*. People, if you smell Angel and I am the only one there, chances are I am wearing it. It is kind of like if you smell smoke, there's probably a fire somewhere ~or you're about to have a stroke and die. Either way, people asking me about [an] Angel, made me nervous.
This morning I was rushing around to get to Trader Joe's before the mad rush of soccer moms in cars too big for the parking spaces in the worst parking lot ever, crowded the store. I went to squirt on some perfume (chocolaty but not Angel) and the bottle was empty. Me leaving a house without perfume is like Karen leaving a house without lipstick. I reached for old somewhat faithful and squirted on the Angel.
I made my way to Trader Joe's, did my shopping as fast as possible and got right back in my car which smelled nicely of chocolaty fruity goodness (aaaah, Angel). I turn the car on and I couldn't get the gear shift out of park. I turned off the car and tried again. I kept trying. I tried and tried and tried. The gear was not moving. WHERE'S AN ANGEL NOW?! I guess I have to call AAA. I stuck my hand in my purse and NO CELL PHONE! I forgot my cell phone. I go back into Trader Joe's and ask the nice manager to use his phone. He offers to try to get my car to work and has no luck (all men must try to fix a car before calling AAA, right?) . I call AAA (it is 11:15 now) and they say it will be about an hour until the tow truck can come and to stay by my car in case it comes early. Great, ok. I wait and wait and the parking lot is getting full and strangers are asking me why I am standing by my car. Why are you standing there? Do you smell chocolate? Why is it any of their business anyway? What is odd about someone in a parking lot standing near their car? Maybe they thought I was going to try to get them to sign up with Primerica or something. Two nice sisters are parked next to me, Do you need a Jump Start? Are You Wearing Angel? For my own entertainment, I tell them I am not. Then a man pipes in and tells me my car is too new for this problem, yeah thanks, but apparently it isn't. Duh. Finally the tow truck comes a little after noon and it blocks the parking lot. Half of the patrons were nice about it and about 3 snooty bitch soccer moms in huge cars had hissy fits. Hurry Up! Can't you just back up and let me out? Spencer, stop throwing those organic animal crackers at Tyler. Are you wearing Angel? My new best buddy, Samid, The tow truck guy, says this problem never happens on Hondas but he knows the trick. Oh you know, in my country that pair-fume ees called Angel. He gets it out of park and says now my brake lights don't work and I can't put it back in park so don't turn the car off. He says this while the bitchy Stepford moms are glaring at me and sniffing. As if it is my fault they can't back their giant SUVs up. I drive to the dealer (while hoping nobody smashes into me) and leave the car there. I have no ride home and can't call anyone because I have no phone and don't know anyone's # because they are all programmed into my phone. Finally, the Honda shuttle comes to get me and take me home. Get in she says....Honey, are you wearing Angel?
*this is not the same luck that makes strangers touch me at malls, book stores, theaters, and public restrooms.
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